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Note #1

I have always tried to be optimistic but its just so difficult when you’re doing everything alone. Everyone feels tired and everyone’s falling ill during this stressful exam period but everyone around me has something that i don’t to make them feel better. Family. I used to feel that my family meant to world to me too, but it’s just difficult to even think of them now. Whenever I see or hear my friends talk about their families, how they can’t live without home cooked meals, it makes me miss how my life used to be similar to theirs. Im not blaming anyone for the huge twist in my family life but i just wished that they would shut up for a moment. I’ve been trying so how to adapt to not seeing my dad at home, not having to eat my grandmum’s meals, not being able to have someone take care of me or even notice that im not well w/o me having to say a word. I try to avoid such thoughts by avoiding social networking sites so i dont have to read about how thankful people were to their mums or dads for being there for them. I dont care if people felt that i was anti social not participating in their conversation. I just wanna forget these problems that im facing for a moment, but apparently that isnt going so well. I’m not suicidal or overly emotional. Im just tired from trying so hard in front of people that dont know what im going thru just because im not publicizing my life to the world. Every little minor issue, whining about it as if you’re gonna die the next day. I hate it that people ain’t as observant as I am. I hate it that people dont put in as much effort as me to make sure i dont hurt anyone. I hate it when people always assume things. And I hate myself for not talking to anyone about all these negative thoughts. But then again, who will be interested? we’re all so caught up with our own thoughts.

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